Byline: RICHARD H. LEVEY
Longtime readers of The New Yorker likely will remember Roger Angell's end-of-the-year poem, which boiled down the events of the previous 12 months into easily digestible rhymes. Angell, alas, has given up this annual tradition.
But even when he was writing it, Angell usually didn't cover direct marketing in his verse. Which is a shame, because the industry offers a great deal of fodder. Had he focused on significant quarter-by-quarter DM events in 2003, his poem might have read something like the following.
January-March 2003
'Round New Year's, Priceline's boss did deign To hire Shatner once again. One could hear the ad men cry "Kirk's phasers will be set on 'buy'!"
USPS put out big bucks When flat sort machines ran amok. Spiegel took a double blow Losing two "Cs" (EO, FO).
Victoria's Secret got no restitution When the high courts ruled "No dilution!" Inspired, Victor's Little Secret's chiefs Peddled edible legal briefs.
April-June 2003
Congress passed a law that frees Postal from paying retirees. The added funds will likely clamp The cost of every postage stamp.
Who'd have thought DRTV Could sell a mailing leads CD? But at $99.95 (a steal!) List vendors have their Ron Popeil.
Reader's Digest took some leaps When it gave up on mailing sweeps. It now just remains to be seen If folks still want the magazine.
July-September 2003
The FTC announced the fee For using the new DNC. If seven thousand bucks sounds steep The first five area codes are cheap.
JetBlue engendered consternation For granting flyer information. The data, under false comportment, Wound up with the Defense Deportment.
Forget about "Do not e-mail" Chair Muris said, "It's bound to fail." And Tommy Chong will do some time For selling water bongs online.
October-December 2003
The do-not-call list came to be And topsy-turvyed telephony. For callers, yes, but also renters Of outbound telemarketing centers.
Senator Schumer quoted polls Approving "do-not-spam-me" rolls. The survey also found (it's true) That grass is green and the sky is blue.
And after serving many a year Bob Wientzen said "I'm outta here!" While Priceline in a late-year shock Hired Leonard Nimoy (Mr. Spock).
RICHARD H. LEVEY (rleney@primediabusiness.com) is a senior writer for Direct. His Loose Cannon column appears every Monday on Direct Newsline (www.directmag.com).
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