THE PATIENCE OF ST. TOM
If I make it to Direct Marketing Heaven when I die, the first thing I'm going to do is nominate Tom Collins for sainthood for fielding a regular barrage of know-nothing insults, launched by detractors who couldn't tell a response from a rutabaga.
Most of the testosterone-soaked attacks on Tom's creative judgment could set off a fistfight or worse in any gin mill in town. Still, time after time, he continues to reply with kindness, sweet reason and saintly patience. In fact, Tom's gentle response is probably the only one most of these critics could generate.
Yeah, some of Tom's art direction could use a little updating. But hey, Tom is a copywriter, not a graphic designer. The point he makes over and over again is nevertheless valid: You won't sell diddley-squat if people can't easily read and quickly figure out what the hell you're saying that's worth their time, and then get them to spend that time learning why your product is worth their money. Alas, Tom's column seems to be a rare voice of sanity in a world increasingly filled with fools who make vapid arguments like this:
"Well listen, all you have to do is carefully read the reverse type superimposed over the herringbone tweed; and then study the photograph closely enough to know that the guy slumped over his desk is holding an earphone to his ear and not a telephone while he kicks a soda machine to demonstrate an attitude that kids can identify with; and then get hip to a passing fad of a pop song that you should have known about if you listen to the right radio station - and before you know it, you'll understand why a totally original phrase like 'the fountain of youth' is sufficient to inspire tons of people to part with 17,000 smackolas."
The other argument in favor of murdering Tom in his bed seems to have originated in the Brand Stewardship Department at the College of Advertising Idiocy. It goes something like this:
"Harrumph! It doesn't matter if people don't respond, as long as the ad supports the brand image."
This insane suggestion often gets whispered in the ears of innocent clients by ad agency Iagos hell-bent on stealing a strong account. Iago wants you to think that when an ad causes tidal waves of response and tons of money to gush in through your windows, that's somehow clear proof that the advertising is no good. Yeah, and let 'em eat ersatz aesthetics along with their rutabagas.
Clients who fall for such ruses deserve what they get, and what they usually get are higher bills for fewer responses, or higher bills while they run the same creative work the old creative team did, because the new agency can't beat the old controls.
Listen pal, if you're lucky you've got maybe three seconds to flag down a reader and tell him why he should care intensely about what you have to say in your ad, or the page gets flipped and your advertising dollar transmogrifies into a small pile of worthless ashes. Sprinkle those on your rutabaga and chew on it. Meanwhile, I'm going to light a candle in honor of St. Tom. Peter Hochstein Direct Response Copywriter New York
TOM'S A HIT WITH THEM
I'm a brand-new subscriber to Direct and already my favorite part of the magazine is Tom Collins' column. I couldn't agree with him more regarding his analysis of the Advair Diskus advertisement (The Makeover Maven, May 15). This is just the kind of opinion all of us in communications, advertising and marketing need to be exposed to, particularly young professionals who allow art directors to run the show at the expense of telling a convincing, action-prompting story.
Tom's point regarding the Web site requiring "agreement to future contacts" before a request for more information could be honored was also right on. This customer requirement is probably some internal committee's "group think," folks who love to place internal "requirements" ahead of customer wishes. Unfortunately, that kind of logic and the power to implement it is all too prevalent in today's constant quest for more data, rather than focusing on what the ad is supposed to do: nurture leads.
Thanks to Tom for this contribution to more effective advertising and direct marketing. Keep the columns and the criticisms coming. His will be the feature that will prompt me to immediately open each issue of Direct the minute I see it in my mail. Larry L. Gauper Vice President, Corporate Communications Blue Cross/Blue Shield of North Dakota Noridian Mutual Insurance Co. Fargo, ND
The May 15 issue has one of Tom Collins' best makeovers...and one of the poorest, most misguided ads (is it even an "ad"?) ever seen.
The scientists who invented Advair could easily have done a better ad on their lunch hour than the agency did. Herb Laney
My screen saver scrolls a quote from (I think?) David Ogilvy: "It's not creative unless it sells." We all need to be reminded.
Collins and that other curmudgeon, Lewis, keep me coming back to Direct. Rick Beckrich (a curmudgeon hizself) Marketing/Special Projects The Washington Times
ATT.: DMers
I'm not an industry insider (my profession is financial services software - mutual funds, banking, etc.).
And I have what I think should be a useful idea for the direct marketing industry, which I see in serious danger of polluting the public water supply.
I've known for many years that 19th century merchant John Wanamaker allegedly stated, "I know half my advertising dollar is wasted..." But now we have the Web. In the past it was not cost-effective for recipients of unwanted, misdirected, misspelled, deceased, etc. mail to contact the senders by phone, mail or fax. It would be too much work. But with the Web - if my idea were available and supported by industry - individuals could quickly visit several dozen mailers and state their expectations.
Mailers (particularly if you're in the magazine, catalog or newsletter trade) must have some sort of mechanism - read expensive people - to cope with customers and suspects who call in and request some sort of service (lots of reasons for service beyond just "Take me off your list").
I've been plodding along attempting to breathe some life into this "assisted self-service" idea. Surprise, surprise, I've hit a wall. The direct mail industry is clearly terrified of the idea of actually sending less mail.
But wait a minute. If one takes the numbers at face value, I've seen many statements that at least 50% of catalogs instantly go into the trash.
Wouldn't the numbers make better sense if, instead of mailing to 100,000 people (at 50 cents per book), mail to 80,000 (since at least 20,000 of that list is simply W-R-O-N-G) and get a lift of 1.25% rather than just 1%?
They've saved $10,000 and increased response by 25%! David Eddy Boston
ADVICE FOR TELEMARKETERS
Let's hope we quickly change course with spam. I have been in this business for more than 30 years and lo and behold, creative direct mail that's not written by salespeople still works, especially with unique graphics or humor.
Maybe telemarketers should take note (Pushing the Envelope, March 15). Steve Rugg Orlando, FL
ENVELOPES ARE BACK
The May 15 issue contained a couple of references to the use of envelopes instead of self-mailers that really made my day.
In Beth Negus Viveiros' Q&A with Intuit's Bill Mirbach, Mr. Mirbach states, "We've had much better luck with envelopes than self-mailers."
In the "Top 10" piece, we are told that Systems Paving's switch to "a boring old white #10 envelope" boosted response rates for the company, whose average sale runs $10,000.
While these testimonials may not seem like watershed revelations to the direct marketing industry, they did bring a glimmer of hope to this old envelope pusher.
Between that whole anthrax thing and the slowdown in business, the last couple of years have been pretty tough for envelope manufacturers.
The envelope, please! John N. Knoesel Sales Manager Commercial Envelope Manufacturing Deer Park, NY
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